I’m not saying to lie to your children about your financial situation! In fact, that’s the complete opposite of what you should do. However, I believe it can be extremely empowering for a child to be involved in the age-appropriate money conversations of a household. Take it from a mom during the holiday season – you’ll want to have these discussions during the year so by this time you can let them know about how much they might get (or not get) for gift-giving.
Oh, we try to make holidays like Christmas not be about the presents under the tree or lack thereof, and focus on “the spirit of the holidays” – especially if the gifts are also in spirit because we just went through a global pandemic, with the economy damn near a recession, are struggling with depression, or we may have lost our incomes and worse, our family members. Somehow, despite having had to cancel the cable and whittle our entertainment to streaming services, these darn kids still find out about all the cool toys and gadgets that are popular and that all their friends are talking about.
They know what items will give them street cred, popularity (even if it is fleeting), and status.
In some cases, what they don’t know is anything about work, finances, budgeting, appreciation, or humility. In my home, we talk about money – saving it, earning it – but I still can’t get them to “not want”. Why? Because I don’t know how to reprogram brains. Therefore, the only equipment I have in my arsenal for softening the blow of the holiday season (because they are too young to understand how student loans + compound interest = broke AF) are the things we talk about and do during the year that involve them in the finances.
1. Chores & Earning – I instill the principles of earning money from having them do chores that enable them to earn very small sums of money. When they get $1, I let them pick a treat – but not before showing them what they could get for $2 if they waited. This introduces an aspect of patience that is lacking in many people who spend everything they earn instead of building up an emergency fund or saving for retirement. Delayed gratification.
2. YouTube videos – There are many screens for kids to watch, but somehow when I watch videos about the debt-free community or people calling into a show to ask questions about getting out of debt, the kids sometimes choose to stick around and hang out with me and watch too. I can’t guarantee they’re absorbing much from these bite-sized shows, but they can certainly pick up the fact that a lot of people make mistakes with money (or are very organized with their funds), and there are consequences for those mistakes and wins.
3. Counting & Credit – If you say ‘money is dirty so children shouldn’t touch it’, you’re part of the problem. Let kids count the money! Have them hold the dollars and cents in their hands and feel the friction pass through. It’s essential so they can understand that they don’t just swipe plastic magical rectangles to get everything they want! Show them how the money enters your home, and show them how it exits. Show yourself too.
Choose Your Words Wisely
Sometimes the phrases you are used to choosing to explain financial concepts are doing more harm than good. If you have a negative connotation of money, you might say things like:
“That’s too expensive” – it might be true but it doesn’t explain the problem or make them a part of the solution. You could use this as a teachable moment to describe a low supply of an item forcing the price to go above your means, or let them know you have a budget and are sticking to it. Extra points if you talked about or showed them the budget before you left the house.
“Money is dirty” – yes we know viruses get on surfaces and travel sometimes, but having worked in a library (where surface-to-surface contact is unavoidable) during the pandemic, I was privy to much research about this, and the result was if you wash your hands often and keep them off of your face, surfaces are not of the highest concern.
“You’ll see how it is when you’re older” – um, why not show them now? Perhaps some additional knowledge ahead of time could dull some of the pain you felt and won’t make you feel like projecting your financial problems onto them, as if that will be their future. Give children a proper head start!
Remind yourself that you have limits, and it’s totally appropriate to expose those limits to your kids during the year, so they learn to appreciate, understand, and respect what you do for the household. For the ones who still know Santa, remind them that Santa and the elves have limits too. Lastly, don’t forget about giving. I’ve never given anything to anyone and not gotten rewarded for it. Try a 50/30/20 savings for them (spending half of what they earn, saving 30%, and giving 20%) or whatever works for you. Have a happy holiday season!
Love,
Risa
Risa Sonrisa Takes You on Her Life Journey 